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8451: Financially challenged CAN adopt -Bushey (fwd)
From: LauriB <LAURIB@maf.org>
I'm commenting on Senou's message #8423 about Adoption:
I am a single American woman living in Haiti. I make an itsy, bitsy,
teeny, tiny salary. I adopted a beautiful Haitian boy 3 years ago. My
son has a rich life since coming to live with me even though I am very
poor.
I want to argue that having high financial income is NOT a necessary
prerequisite for adoption. I disagree with Senou's comments about that
and wish that Senou could meet my gorgeous son and let me prove that
making $45,000 year (or wait, maybe that was in gourdes? tee-hee!)is
NOT a requirement for becoming an excellent parent, either by natural
childbirth or adoption.
My kid has unlimited access to all the love, encouragement and
discipline you could imagine. If you met my son you would see a very
happy, well adjusted 4 year old who loves life, his mom and is
constantly cheerful. He eats great, wears cute clothes and has tons of
toys. How many rich kids in the States can say they speak 3 languages
like him? As far as material possessions, he may not have all the
'stuff' that a more wealthy parent could provide, but so far he
doesn't miss a thing. He loved watching TV and VCR but when our home
was broken into this week and those items along with my vehicle were
stolen, he has kept a great attitude and just reads his books more. I
pray constantly that my child won't hunger for material stuff to
satisfy him but he'll acquire inner peace from sharing, laughter, love
and knowing God.
I am able to afford his basic medical needs. I have come up with a
creative solution for providing him top notch education. My son has
obtained his US citizenship. I don't know the history of my son's
birth family but he now experiences the rich heritage of his extended
family in the States. My son has an incredible relationship with his
grandparents that I would beg to argue may compete with the richest of
families.
I can't say that I don't worry sometimes about how I'll pay for his
needs down the road. It was a bit complicated when I was processing
his legal adoption and US immigrate visa to convince them that I can
afford a child. But just as I found a solution for a surgery he needed
last year, I'm sure I can do the same for the piano or ice hockey
skates that he may beg for in a few years. Maybe he'll even get full
ride academic scholarships for University. For now, we take it day at
a time, and I am pretty certain that the day won't come when he'll be
hungry, without clothes or shelter even though I don't make anything
close to the numbers Senou suggested for single parent incomes.
Another point that Senou kept making in the message was that a child
not become a "helper" in the home. I promise you that my son will
never be treated harshly or demanded to work beyond his capabilities.
But you know what, I am going to try to teach him good work ethics and
responsibility for himself as well as caring for our home. Even though
we employee house help, I am pledging to try to 'force' my kid to do
all the same chores around that house that he'll need to someday be on
his own. It's not easy with a maid to re-make his bed after he does it
himself nor am I anxious for those teen years when he'll probably
argue to leave his room a mess. BUT please do come to our Valentines
party in 10 years to sample the cookies he'll be making!
Even though we don't have much, my son and I are committed to sharing.
This fall we started opening up our then tiny apt. to other children
who needed help. My son was very much in agreement with that even
though it meant less for him. I shutter to think of what would happen
to this world and especially Haiti, if people waited to help until
they felt they were financially secure themselves first. Ugh. I agree
with child sponsorship programs but they are not a replacement for
adoption. Every child needs someone to call Mommy. To know there is
just one person just for them. A parent is the person who is on your
side, who knows the good points about you that no one else does, who
protects you from scarey things at nite and who never leaves you. I
disagree so strongly with Senou's comments that I almost feel the
other extreme. I think everyone should adopt a child unless they have
specific reasons they are unable. I often cry as I think of orphans
going to sleep at nite without being able to feel the soft brush of a
mommy's goodnite kiss.
The quote I am oft heard saying is..."I may be poor but I am providing
for my son so much more than he would have had growing up in an
orphanage."
Senou, I imagine you don't have kids yet. I never thought I would,
partly because I couldn't afford it. But, now I see that sharing my
love, home, extended family and yes even my limited finances has made
me a richer person. I can't imagine life without my son nor can I
imagine him without me. Ask anyone (especially my kid), I'm a great
mom even though I am very poor.
Lauri Bushey
Port-au-Prince, Haiti