14468: Adoption Advice--anonymous (fwd)

[Bob Corbett <corbetre@webster.edu>]

My heart goes out to any family willing to take up the burdens and
joys of adopting Haitian children.  I adopted two Haitian children,
and I wanted to urge other such parents to give their children access
to steady psychological counseling for the first few years here.

I will share with the list my reason for saying this:   that after 5
years of living in the US, and of adjusting well into a happy life,
our daughter revealed a series of horrific childhood abusive events,
including severe beatings and rapes by extended family members, in
addition to the routine hunger and deprivation we hear about so
often.  Our child turns out to have severe Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder and suffers enormously with nightmares, flashbacks, panic
attacks, self-mutilation (cutting) and depression.  (She learned the
cutting in Haiti, interestingly, from her birth mother who did it
also)  She is in therapy and on medication, and is in the process of
slow recovery.

The reason I share this, then, is to say that after trauma, it is
common to repress.  In adolescence, things may surface.  We were
shocked at how well our child hid this pain. She was the perfect
model of a happy well adjusted girl.

I urge any parents of adopted Haitian children--girls and boys--to
ease them into therapy with a good psychologist, and to have a
counselor speak with them regularly as they grow up.  Perhaps if we
had done this our daughter would not have kept her pain to herself
all those years.

Still, parenting her is one of the most rewarding and meaningful
things I have ever done, if not the most so.  I wouldn't trade it for
anything.  I can only highly recommend adopting Haitian children. But
remember how vulnerable children are everywhere, and how violent
Haiti is.  This may have affected your child, and the sooner you face
it, the better.  With love, compassionate witness, and security, our
children will grow into productive and loving adults who are self
realized and free.