15182: Du Tuyau write letter for help Haiti (fwd)

[Bob Corbett <corbetre@webster.edu>]

From: ViandeMoulue@aol.com

Okay. It start out simplicity like this, very simple. I have big name friend nice person who wants for coming to my apartment in basement. I say: "okay, you come okay... but, I have girlfriend come too". He say, no problem, beautiful like that. So I invite friend for me.
Girlfriend come for dinner with me at home. I want special day because I like friend. I know friend right-wing so I put little pipe I have in right corner of my mouth. I also have money. Boss come back from Palm Coast in Florida. I wait so long he say, so because I wait so long, he give me bonus: 20 dollars. So I say to friend, I need to go buy dessert for friend and wine for dinner. I go Pathmark shopping. Pathmark sells cheese cake but French cheese cake on sale: 2 for 7 dola. I happy. I buy but I ask cashier why so cheap. Cashier tell me because no people buy. So I think and say, okay, you sell same cheese cake for 20 dola if you call cheesecake with little "Freedom" name. Cashier so happy, give me my cheese cake for free. I go and tell my friend. Friend say: Du Tuyau, why you no write beautiful letter for me for Aristide to go". So I write. So please, please friend, I need help you tell me if letter good. Read letter please. Here is letter, look downstairs.
I copy and paste here for you friends. Before I send letter, so for you tell me if you can please, if my friend pay me the little money he promise for me for writing letter. Here letter is downstairs.
Our Dear Hope for a little island in the Caribbean Sea,
We have been saying all along, for the past almost for sure 3 years now, that Haiti has a destructive weapon for all people democracy in the world, near the Miami Airport, called Lavalas.
Because we know you no like bad weapon of destructive-ility, we try from our little specialties, to removing classically and bloodlessly the moronic politician of our world, Mister Jean-Bertrand Aristide. We now no have no more other choice but for us to require little help for you.
Our Convergentic WLD (Weapons of Lavalas Destruction) need a little sharpening for sharpness. So we come to you for help. We already have lots of many arsenals, from HR rights, to everything. But Lavalas seem for to be hard-headed-kinalaganash. So we ask you, our dearest, greatest, finest, and sharpest leader, to help us find rapidamente-fast, some political nukileur (nuclear) strategizing strategy, to send all Lavalas home fast, fast, fast.
So far in the immediacy, your Excellent Excellency, we try many things. We try division even elite by referring to a lying-truth called mulatto-elite versus poor-black-majority when we know it no exist for real because milat póv se nèg, nèg rich se milat (poor mulatre = black; rich black = milat). We do that with using decent book from Fatton-ic intellectual in reference by our convergentic lawyer in big name New York magazine. It no work. Some people, like Jean Du Tuyau, even ask us whether we encourage procedure that my daddy used for calling to call, "encourager le petit nègre à se dénégrifier" (encourage little black to deblacken themselves). Well, your Excellent Excellency, it no work because Mister Kim Yves exposed all our little truth-lies.
Can you please Sir, dislocate for us this pain in our neck, this assassin Jean-Bertrand Aristide, and help us send him for nice place that he looks like this ugly guy? He can go to Belle Glade Florida, and live there happily ever after. We now the good people of beautiful Haiti, are tiringly getting tired of this thing called badly and unfortunately, one person vote-one vote count once. We only understand little thing like some-vote have little bit a lot more values than other votes.
With hope that Mister Aristide will be nukileur-ly thrown out of Palais National,
Jean Du Tuyau moun fou, for Mister Febarin Herbert Zefami Milagro