25332: Du Tuyau for commenting on the next president of Haiti (fwd)

[Bob Corbett <corbetre@webster.edu>]

From: viandemoulue@aol.com

Easy. Every day, I read blood from Haiti. Mister Vedrine made some excellency
point about revolution. I make a decision now, crucial and for real. I going
back to Haiti my people... oh yes... me going back to Haiti for good and in
all seriousness.

Next week, I pack my bag from my new Brooklyn/Flatbush apartment in New York
City. I go first to see my mother in bordering state and I have her pray for
me. After, I sing with her in French a beautiful Protestant church song: "Ne
crains rien je t'aime, je suis avec toi (no fear nothing I love you [Jesus
speaking to me], I am with you)". That's my protection/talisman song so if
some OP shoot at me, I won't die.

After that, I go take the airplane American Airlines, and I move back. I have
decided that I must sacrifice my lamb. I am going to run for the next
elections presidential for president of my hometown, Carrefour in Pótoprens.
So what will I do as president of Carrefour?

- Estabishment of a revolution council to maim and kill tous les enmmerdeurs
(all the bothersome people).
- As a way to say "NO", to all the bad things the Dominicans did to us last
month, I'm going to close all the cafés. I think Copa Cabana is closed long
time ago. Maybe not Casa Blanca yet; I hope so. All clubs/cafés that hire
Dominicanas will have to send them all back to their homeland.

(P.S. I suspect one problem with this solution: all the politicians from
Pótoprens may plot for making sure I no become president of Carrefour. As far
as I can recall, the Duvalier Ministres used to have their own
girlfriend/Dominicanas at those clubs in the 80's and it may not be that much
different nowadays (plus cela change, plus cela ne change pas / the more
things change in Haiti, the more they don't change). So, for this solution,
it's a "possible" possibility in the impossible Haiti world.
- I promise all the students taking bus for school that their fare for the tap-
tap will be now, back to the early 80's price, 1 gourde. So I subsidize their
fare if they accept to pay an annual fee for a special card that will cost
them 500 gourdes. (Heck, I learn the discounting trick as an American
entrepreneur).
- I will move some people from Bel-Air and Cite Soleil to my neighborhood for
my protection physical. Heck man, I need to have my own OP too!! What you
think? I going to get die?

I will invite finally, all my friends from the United Country of States to
come and spend time in my new Palais National. I call it Carrefour Palace.
Beautiful with Jaccuzzi, pool, badmington and tennis courts. I'll make sure
the Palace also has a new Volley ball court and only ladies will play on that
court with their VS attire. (What a wonderful and fulfilling prospect; my
mouth's already watering).

After that, if everything work, I call my Mom back in my new country,
Carrefour, to come from United States to Carrfeor, and pray for me a nice
Kreyól Protestant song when she see me alive: "ala kontan m' kontan Jezi
renmen-m; Jezi renmen-m se bagay mèveye" (Oh I so happy Jesus loves me; Jesus
loves me it's a marvelous thing).

Isn't that a marvelous plan, folks and friends and not-so-friendly friends?
Please forward your idea for what I need to do for Carrefour to make it in 2
years as developed as Los Angeles.

Du Tuyau, the next prezidan of the country of Carrefour.

----- End forwarded message -----