26890: Du Tuyau: (Forwarding Jokes on Haiti in my email box) (fwd)

[Bob Corbett <corbetre@webster.edu>]

From: viandemoulue@aol.com

I received this morning a few emails little funny for a bit on Haiti. I am
passing them on to the list wonderful of frustrated politicians Haitians.

1. In politics Haitian, if you want to win, make sure you lose first and then,
let the adversary/enemy roll over you. Example: Preval is back full of silent
power and all the Lavalassiens are giggling;
2. If you want a politician Haitian to show little respect for you, spit in
his face. Example: Latortue rolled the red carpet for Fernandez, no even one
thick day after Fernandez call all politician Haitians voleur/vólè/crooks;
3. Simeus want prezidans so much, he is now courting traditional elite by
reminding them that his last name is Hellenist/Latinist [Simeus / dominus /
rosa nova, rosae novae, rosam novam (nominatif/vocatif, accusatif, all for you
in Latin, etc)];
4. Latortue has already chartered a plane, all paid, so while new prezidan is
inauguration for his self, Latortue will chape poul li (head out to the
airport) and move back to Boca Raton. He hope very much little bit, that he
will for protection about corruption guring his gouvernement, his "not-so-
innocent" nephew in Senate;
5. Manigat is mad as hell; after helping engineer Titid's demise, he now can't
even muster a good 10 percent of the electorate. He even claims conspiracy
against him by all the Aristide bókó and houngan and mambo in the provinces;
6. Micha Gaillard is thinking about returning to Eastern Europe, to his
parent "alma mater" home, if Preval become prezidan again. Even though he
hates all politic Lavalas, he is realized in the now that "something in that
Lavalas stuff" clicks well for the masses, even though the last prezidan was
hoping to crown his self "the father of the nation, in the body and spirit of
Toussaint, Petion, Christophe", and all the usual Haitian politician charabia;
7. Yesterday, the GNBists tracked down Fernandez and almost "Pè Lebren-ed"
(sorry, necklaced) him. The cause: Fernandez is little bit too "ethnocentric".
Problem is, the GNBists just learned the new word (ethnocentric) at La Faculté
d'Ethnologie in Pótoprens, and have yet to realize that Haiti's problems begin
with Haitians very own ethnocentric problem (not color/kouló, but rather, a
problem of one culture disrespect for that of the majority culture and
language and all else);
8. The same way that Titid courted Diaspora in 1991 - 1994, now the pro-Simeus
crowd is courting Diaspora from all over the place. Little do they realize
that as we say in French, "chat échaudé craint eau froide". In words other
than my bad French-speaking and writing, if you burn the cat with hot water
once, he run away even from cold water from refrigerator;
9. According to all Haitian politicians, Haiti's problem is not that Haiti
needs to rethink the notion of power; it is instead that each Haitian
politician has one secret card for resolving all problems political: they all
want to be prezidan. And mesdames et messieurs, last but not least:
10. I received an email this morning from a contact at the United Country of
Great States, Department of State, from the very desk of Ms. Condi Rice.
Starting late February, all Haitian people, each Haitian person, whether in
Haiti or in foreign country, will acquire the great, the ultimate, the
extraordinary, the most important honorific title of "PREZIDAN".

It turned out that one Haitian at Quai D'Orsay in France, and another at State
Department in United States, have united their analyitical thinking to suggest
such solution. They realize that the only way, to make sure that all Haitians
think about stability, respect of due process and legality as necessary for
and conducive to development, the only ultimate way for country to not always
be occupied every so often, is by naming each and every single Haitian
PREZIDAN!!!

Oh boy oh girl, after all, there's hope. In that spirit, I leave you all
stating the following: " let's make sure we name all the presidential
candidates "PREZIDAN" first, before we so declare for the general public.

Happy and Merry Christmas to you all!! Enjoy the presidency, Charlito, Simeus,
Bazin, Preval, and all others. MOI? I'm going to a gentleman bar tomorrow
night to celebrate my 21st birthday. That's right!! I just turned moun fou for
the twenty-first time.

Du Tuyau

----- End forwarded message -----