I once woke up in the middle of a vegetable patch hugging a turnip that I'd mistakenly dug up thinking it was Roy's largest root
If I had a big gun I'd shoot all the students I have to teach
I memorize probability values for the F-distribution
I worship at the shrine of Pearson
I still live with my mother and have little personal hygiene
Teaching others makes me want to swallow a large bottle of bleach because the pain of my burning oesophagus would be light relief in comparison
Helping others to understand Sums of Squares is a great feeling
I like control conditions
I calculate 3 ANOVAs in my head before getting out of bed every morning
I could spend all day explaining statistics to people
I like it when people tell me I've helped them to understand factor rotation
People fall asleep as soon as I open my mouth to speak
Designing experiments is fun
I'd rather think about appropriate dependent variables than go to the pub
I soil my pants with excitement at the mere mention of Factor Analysis
Thinking about whether to use repeated or independent measures thrills me
I enjoy sitting in the park contemplating whether to use participant observation in my next experiment
Standing in front of 300 people in no way makes me lose control of my bowels
I like to help students
Passing on knowledge is the greatest gift you can bestow an individual
Thinking about Bonferroni corrections gives me a tingly feeling in my groin
I quiver with excitement when thinking about designing my next experiment
I often spend my spare time talking to the pigeons ... and even they die of boredom
I tried to build myself a time machine so that I could go back to the 1930s and follow Fisher around on my hands and knees licking the floor on which he'd just trodden
I love teaching
I spend lots of time helping students
I love teaching because students have to pretend to like me or they'll get bad marks